![]() ![]() When he died, I told myself it didn't matter what I didn't see him. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in my mind he would hold on. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of a big promotion. I remember getting calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and sicker. I don't remember a time I spend anything on anything fun. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had earned. ![]() ![]() Remember all that backpacking and book-writing I told you about? That was all in the first few years of college. God, I was really popular with the girls in high school. What happened to that fun-loving, risk-taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to change the world? I remember being asked on a date by the most popular girl in the school, but declining her for my now-wife. But not because my wife has been cheating on me, but because I am now realising I have been dying inside. Who am I? What happened to me? I didn't even ask for a divorce, or yell at her, or cry. What have I been doing in the last 10 years? Outside of work, I really can't say anything. That seems like a long time, but i can't comprehend it. Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the last 10 years. God, I can't remember the last time I've made love to my wife. What was I thinking? How could I live, when the job was my life? After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life. To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the Phillipines. I planned to do all of Asia, then Europe, then America (I live in Australia by the way). I am still 70 pages in, at 46.īy 20, I had backpacking around New Zealand and the Phillipines. I would show the perspective of the 'bad' and the 'twisted', showing my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that people never think what the do is wrong. I knew my book was going to change the world. She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel loved. I had been dating my wife for four years by then. The second, was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless. The first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people. It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to change the world. Let's start with a description of me when I was 20. I'll get to how those dreams were crushed soon. If my younger self had met me today, I would have punched myself in the face. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when i was in my late teens and early twenties. ![]() I didn't complete my novel, travelling the world, helping the homeless. I realised I missed my father's funeral FOR NOTHING. Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was. I'm a 46 year old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted.Īll my dreams, my passion, gone. I've been lurking for a while, but I've finally made an account to post this. My regrets as a 46 year old, and advice to others at a crossroad Hundreds of people have since responded to JohnJerryson, sharing their inspirational thoughts or pained empathy. Nearing middle age, JohnJerryson explains how he's wasted his life and become a stranger to himself. Usually, these posts are funny, unfortunate accidents that happen throughout the day.īut, this man posted his story with the title "TIFU my whole life." Redditor JohnJerryson, 46, posted on a forum called Today I F*cked Up. It's easy to settle for a job or a relationship, rather than make decisions that create the person you'd like to become. Often, we aren't even aware our lives aren't taking the shape we'd hoped. ![]()
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